Boundary work is difficult for everyone, and it can be particularly difficult for those who were not supported in the practice of setting and negotiating boundaries earlier in life. A common symptom of underdeveloped boundaries is the inability to recognize boundary conflict for what it is, and especially the inability to name and claim one’s own personal boundaries in a particular situation. One may feel deeply upset, stuck, critical, but not actually be able to properly articulate what caused the current troubling interpersonal situation. Such troubling interpersonal situations can then begin to reoccur throughout one’s life, and without understanding the original problem, one may be forever unprepared to make progress and evolve both themselves and their relationships.
Sound familiar? The worksheet offered here is a tracking tool to help with learning to develop one’s ability to recognize others’ and their own boundaries. It asks you to track upsetting situations, break down participating perspectives, and reflect on threads to the past.
There are no easy answers offered as to what to do with this information (that is beyond the scope of this particular introductory exercise), but simple awareness often brings with it a creative surge, one that opens doors to new ways of negotiating difficult situations. In most cases, it also provides some amount of emotional relief and a de-escalation of distressing thoughts.
Related materials: this worksheet was largely inspired by the book Empowered Boundaries by Cristien Storm. It is a wonderful piece of work that kindly challenges and positively transforms our ideas about boundaries, what their impact is, and how to practice boundary work. Accompany your reading of Empowered Boundaries with the reading tracker from The Lucubrators, which helps keep you on track, provides a visualization of reading habits, and encourages note-taking and action-planning based on the work you’re reading.
This worksheet is available for free, although a small contribution to help cover the time we spend designing and developing these materials would be very appreciated!
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